


Unforeseen Consequences

by verucasalt123



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU after S5, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Het, Human Castiel, Major Character Injury, Multi, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-18
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 04:19:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/807156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verucasalt123/pseuds/verucasalt123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(post S5-AU) Sam doesn't go to hell, and Cas returns completely human (and sarcastic, smartassy and fond of using profanity). The three of them start hunting together and Dean suffers a major permanent injury to his right arm. They end up settling down in a town where Dean had met a girl the last time they were there. Sam and Cas are very attracted to each other but won't do anything about it. Will either of them ever be brave enough to make the first move?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unforeseen Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by the lovely sammichgirl, beautiful art by freetocry

 

Dean figured the probability of being able to get through to Sam was significantly decreased after he watched Lucifer blow Castiel into a million pieces. That was something he hadn’t even considered, and it rocked him backward; Cas was _gone_. He wasn’t ready to give up, though, and was just about to start talking again when Michael reappeared. The two of them started arguing, loudly at first, then their conversation got quiet and Dean couldn’t hear anything they were saying. Which didn’t matter much now that they’d switched to speaking in Enochian. For a minute, it seemed Lucifer and Michael had forgotten they had an audience. Eventually, Lucifer reached a hand out to his brother, and Michael gripped onto his forearm with a look of resignation and sadness. Figuring the bell was about to ring for the prize fight, Dean looked to Bobby, then back to the archangels, having no idea what to expect. 

He certainly did _not_ expect Lucifer to turn toward Dean and throw a wink at him, just like Dean had done in the Beautiful Room not too long ago. That’s when it hit him – that wink hadn’t come from Lucifer, it had come from Sam. Before anyone else could do anything, Dean watched in horror at a distance as the Horsemen’s rings hit the ground, the field opened up below them and swallowed them both. 

The useless scream of **”NO!”** barely had time to escape Dean’s mouth before the ground split once more, spitting Sam right back up to the place where he’d been standing moments before. Dean scrambled toward him with almost superhuman speed, pushing away the idea that he might be running to clutch onto a dead body. The minute Dean’s arms were around Sam, though, he shifted and Dean could feel him breathing.

When Sam opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was his brother, and he gave a weak smile. Still a Sam smile, though. “Tricked him”, he whispered, before his eyes closed again. Dean checked, found a strong pulse, and pulled Sam tighter into his arms. 

At the same time, Bobby yelled, “Dean, we, uh…got some company over here!” Expecting demons, Dean whipped his head around in that direction to see Bobby standing over a whole but damaged Castiel, just as unconscious as Sam was. 

Bobby and Dean were obviously perplexed, but neither wanted to do anything but get their asses the hell away from Stull as quickly as possible. Using their combined effort, they loaded Sam and Cas into the back seat of the Impala and Dean took off with Bobby riding shotgun, ejecting his Def Leppard tape from the player before he even got the car into drive. There was no discussion about their destination; they had no place else to go except for Singer Salvage.

“What the hell just happened?” Bobby asked, knowing he wasn’t going to get an answer. He and Dean both knew no answers would be forthcoming until one or both of their passengers regained consciousness. Their anxiety only heightened as they made it all the way back to the salvage yard without a sound or a move from Sam or Castiel. It was past midnight by the time they hauled both men into Bobby’s living room. Dean laid Sam out on the sofa and Bobby pulled the cot by his desk into the room for Castiel. They set about the familiar task of checking for injuries and found nothing too alarming, to their surprise. Cas had a few cuts and bruises, and his clothes were ripped badly. Sam had no physical damage other than some deep red scratches on his arm where Michael had touched him. Nothing to do now but wait.

Luckily, they didn’t have to wait long before Sam started to stir, and opened his eyes. He was scared to death until he remembered seeing Dean earlier, then recognized his familiar surroundings. Before he even had a chance to ask, Dean was handing him a glass of water. Draining it in seconds, he flexed his arms and legs, reassuring himself that he had control over his own body for real. 

“Sam”, Dean asked, “what the fuck did you do? How-“

He spoke slowly, still exhausted and sore, but he wanted to get the whole story out, try to ease the fear and confusion he saw on the faces of his brother and their surrogate father. “Lucifer didn’t want to do it. He wanted to walk away, tried talking Michael into doing the same. Let his guard down, just for a minute, while he was telling Michael how much he didn’t want to kill him, they were still brothers…I saw my chance and took it. Got control back just long enough to throw the rings down. And yeah, I knew it was a big risk, but I kept going back to this remark Castiel had made to me, just before…something about the Cage not being meant to keep a human soul, being designed to hold in an angel’s grace. Figured my best chance was taking the fall and hoping Cas was right. Even if I did end up getting stuck down there, at least Michael and Lucifer would be stuck too and not roaming around up here anymore. Guess it worked, though.”

Dean lowered his eyes and asked, he couldn’t help it, and he just had to know. “Adam?”

“I’m sorry, Dean. Michael was telling the truth, Adam wasn’t there. I want to believe the angels kept their promises and sent him back to his mom, and I realize that may or may not be true, but there was definitely nothing left of Adam when we were out there.”

“I want to believe it, too. Either way, damn it, Sam, that was one hell of a risk. You scared the shit out of me, I thought you were gone.” Dean’s voice broke on that last word. 

“I was going either way, Dean. I knew it as soon as Lucifer took the rings. None of us really thought I was coming back from that field; let’s be honest, even you have to admit that much. Even when I was falling, I figured that even if I died, there was a possibility that maybe my soul would go in the other direction.” Sam startled all of a sudden, sat up straight and went stiff all over. “Castiel. Oh God, Cas, I killed Cas, I killed him…” The tears were starting to roll when Bobby finally spoke up. 

“Take a look over here, kid.”

When Sam’s eyes settled where Cas was lying on the cot, he shook his head. “How? What happened?”

“Hell if I know, he just showed up, knocked out on the ground right next to me a minute after you came back.”

“When he wakes up, we’ll ask him”, Dean said. 

“ _If_ he wakes up”, Sam replied, still staring at Castiel. “What I did…”

“Not you, Sam. Not what you did. That was Lucifer and you know it. He’s gonna wake up, he’s not hurt, hardly a scratch on him, right Bobby?”

“Damn straight. One thing I know for sure, Feathers here is a fighter. He’ll come out of it.”

Right on cue, Cas let out a pained groan and turned slightly, his eyes fluttering then settling into an unfocused stare at the ceiling.

He knew immediately, the very second he was conscious, he could feel it…or, to be more precise, he couldn’t feel it. His Grace. Over the past few months, it had been fading to almost nothing, but now it really was gone. Castiel was overcome with terror, emptiness, confusion. He sure didn’t feel like himself; with his Grace gone and Jimmy Novak’s soul in Heaven, he should have been an empty vessel, but that didn’t seem to be the case. And why wasn’t he dead? He clearly remembered being killed, but what had happened after that? He could recall only darkness before he opened his eyes just now. He heard voices, heard his name, heard the sounds of concern from his friends, but couldn’t really understand any of it. Trying to move his head resulted in a sharp pain along the side of his neck. Cas remembered pain, the physical, human kind of pain he’d experienced while he was falling. Before he was able to form another thought, Dean was by his side, his fingers checking for a pulse at Castiel’s wrist. 

“You hear me, Cas? You don’t look too bad but you’re scaring me. Just answer me, say something, if you can, please…” The desperation in his voice matched the tone he used when speaking to his brother after a serious injury. He didn’t want to open his mouth, but he couldn’t bear to keep Dean so worried.

“I hear you”, he said, realizing that his voice didn’t sound anything like it used to. “Sam…what happened to Sam?”

“He’s here too, man, he’s ok, a little roughed up but nothing we can’t take care of.” Not waiting for the next inevitable question, Dean continued. “Michael and Lucifer are back where they belong. Turns out today wasn’t a good day for the Apocalypse after all.”

Castiel returned Dean’s crooked smile with a small grin of his own. “Good, Dean, that’s…good, it’s, uh, for the best. And apparently I’m not dead, so, you know, that’s a plus, I guess.” The words sounded strange coming out of his mouth, as if they weren’t his own, but there was no getting around the fact that they _were_. A sinking feeling accompanied the realization that he’d been transformed even more profoundly than he thought.

The other three men in the room exchanged glances. Yeah, Cas’ voice was different, but so was his speech. While Dean whispered to Bobby about whether or not angels can have concussions or internal bleeding, Sam just sat and stared, so thankful for whatever had erased what he – Lucifer – had done while they were at Stull. 

Surprising them again, Castiel huffed and said, “I am not.”

Bobby looked over and asked for an explanation. “Not what? Not concussed? Not bleeding internally?”

“Not an angel. Though I can’t rule out having internal injuries. I’m sore and it’s unpleasant, but I don’t feel like there’s anything really wrong with me, if you don’t count the whole Grace-ectomy thing.”

Now everyone was staring, and with good reason. Castiel knew he wasn’t acting like himself, but honestly, he wasn’t himself. Well, he was, kind of. Just not the same self he’d been before. Even when he’d been susceptible to human weaknesses like pain and hunger and cold, he still never got the hang of cracking jokes or making light of a serious situation. It seemed natural to him now, though. Dean’s influence, he was pretty certain.

“What are you talking about, Cas?” asked Dean, looking thoroughly perplexed. 

“Look, this has been coming for a while now, we all know that. Before today, I was taking bus rides and scratching bug bites, remember? I guess whatever put me back together after Lucifer turned me into a puddle just worked with what they had. A body, but no grace.” He didn’t voice his question about whether or not he had a soul. No way to know, really, at least right now. Angels had no souls, and the one in his vessel had departed long ago. Cas was left with Jimmy Novak’s body – no longer a vessel – but a soul couldn’t just spring forth on its own. If he had one, the only explanation was that his Father had seen fit to give it to him at the same time as he was resurrected. 

And that’s when Sam lost it. His quiet tears had gone unnoticed for the past couple of minutes, but now he was almost hysterical, sobbing so loudly that his breath sounded ragged. It was almost impossible to make out everything he said, but clearly he was blaming himself for Castiel’s non-angelic state and trying to express an apology. Dean was by his side in a blink, pulling Sam close and trying to quiet him with reassuring words that didn’t seem to make a single bit of difference. 

“Sam, please”, Castiel started, finally able to turn to his side and look over at the brothers on the sofa, “you know it wasn’t you who did this. I just said it was Lucifer, everyone here knows it was Lucifer who killed me. He’s not the one who brought me back, obviously, but my current state is not something you caused, either. I won’t deprive you of the self-flagellation you and Dean seem to find necessary, but trust me when I tell you I’d rather be human than dead.”

“He makes a good point, guys”, Bobby supplied. Castiel managed to get a look at him then, seeing the exhaustion and worry on the older man’s face. They’d never been close, not really, but Bobby cared for Cas, had looked out for him and was still concerned but also relieved Cas was alive. “We’ve got time to figure all this out, anyway, now that we don’t have the end of the world hanging over our heads anymore.”

Sam calmed down a bit, but still couldn’t help himself from feeling that the loss of Castiel’s Grace was on his head. Knowing he hadn’t killed him was comforting, but Cas not being an angel anymore was a terrifying thought. Of course, he was right, so was Bobby – there were worse fates. Cas didn’t deserve this, though; shouldn’t have had to give up the thing that made him what he was because he’d decided to help them. 

All of a sudden, Sam was taken over by exhaustion, and it seemed that Cas was as well. Dean and Bobby agreed they’d let the two of them sleep for as long as they needed. Neither of them felt it necessary to move the other men, so Bobby went to his own bed and Dean settled down in the room he always used to share with Sam when they’d stay there as kids and still slept in one bed. The events of the previous days had been mind-boggling, and Dean’s mind was going a mile a minute, but surprisingly enough he fell asleep fairly quickly. 

The first couple of weeks were tough. Sam was making decent progress with staying awake for longer stretches and walking around the house without assistance, but he was still moving a bit slowly. He didn’t talk much, either. Bobby and Dean both had tried to coax him into conversation more than once, but it seemed his short time being controlled by Lucifer had taken quite an emotional toll. Sam spent a fair amount of his days either staring out the front window with a blank look on his face or sitting by Castiel’s side. 

Cas hadn’t been recovering as quickly as Sam had. Bobby suspected he had unseen injuries that were trying to heal without the benefit of Grace knitting his pieces back together. He winced in pain when he walked gingerly to the kitchen or bathroom, and cursed loudly every time he stumbled. They were all still surprised every time they heard Cas use profanity; well, all of them except Cas. The easy explanation and off-handed jokes made the first night they were back were gone now, barely covered up by a cloud of sadness and anger. Honestly, the only time he didn’t look completely miserable was when Sam was next to him. 

It was a strange thing to watch, Bobby thought, this bond between Castiel and Sam. Dean had always been much closer to Cas than Sam had. He suspected Dean might be feeling a little left out, unable to provide his brother or his former-angel friend with any comfort. Not for lack of trying, but because it seemed the only people who could comfort them were each other. 

Dean, in fact, was feeling a bit out of place. He was the older brother, the one who was supposed to look after Sam, take care of him and make him feel better when he was hurt. He was the friend who always told the truth to Castiel, who trusted him with his life and who should have been able to comfort him now. So he did all that he could. Went out for supplies, prepared meals that he knew Sam would enjoy and included enough variety so that Cas could figure out what he liked and what he didn’t, even offered himself up for completely _chick-flick moments_. 

Over the course of the next few weeks, Castiel and Sam seemed to improve significantly, both psychologically and physically. Conversations between the four of them were coming more and more often. They were all even starting to get used to this new sarcastic and acerbic personality that had become a part of this human version of Castiel. Comfortable enough for Dean to relent to Cas’ constant insistence that he needed to learn how to drive. Obviously, he let Cas start out on a junker from the yard until he got the basics down, and then he handed Cas the keys and let him drive the Impala for exactly five minutes. For the first time, he was in need of possessions, and Sam had taken him to buy clothes and boots and toiletries, even his own duffle. Sam could have guessed that Cas would pick out clothing that was similar to his own and to Dean’s. 

One night sharing beers on the front porch, Sam asked what Castiel was planning to do now.

“Sam, I have nowhere to go and I don’t know a single person who is not in this house as we speak. Sorry to say it, but I guess you’re stuck with me for the time being.”

Trying to hide his relief that Cas didn’t want to take off on his own, Sam just replied, “Sounds like a good plan to me. Just remember that you’re stuck with us, too” with a smile that was returned in an instant. Dean hadn’t hesitated to accept that Cas would stay with the two of them, at least for a while. Sam was just glad Castiel wouldn’t be going anywhere, though he wasn’t sure why he had such a strong desire to stay close to Cas.

Not surprisingly, during those same few weeks, Bobby could tell Sam was starting to show signs of restlessness. Dean was a bit more reserved, still thinking his brother and friend might need more time to recuperate, but his wanderlust hadn’t gone anywhere. Cas was the one who finally brought it up, though. 

“Bobby, as much as your hospitality’s appreciated, I’m kinda feeling like I need to get out of here. I think Dean and Sam are ready to get back on the road, too.”

And those were the words Bobby had been waiting to hear, even though they didn’t come from whom he’d expected to say them. He knew that wanting to quit hanging around his house all the time meant that they were feeling better. “Hey, I get it. I’d like y’all to come see me again soon, but I actually just heard of a case down south that might have your names written all over it.”

Covering the highlights of what seemed like a vengeful spirit in Alabama took less time than it took for all three men to pack up for the trip. Castiel spent almost the entire ride studying John Winchester’s journal. 

Absently, Dean thought there was another similarity between Cas and Sam; the ability to read in a moving vehicle. Dean got dizzy and nauseated any time he tried. 

As usual, Bobby had been right. Vengeful spirit, possibly and not exceptionally dangerous to take care of if you knew how (which they did) and even easier now with a third person to help cover all possible angles of attack. The job was finished more quickly than expected, considering how difficult it should have been based on past experience. Sam came out of it with a bruised rib, Dean with a few scratches across his forearm, and Cas with a gash above his left eyebrow. 

Once they returned to their motel, Dean handed Cas a bottle of whiskey and Sam stitched up the cut on his forehead. It was no easier this time than it was when he first felt pain upon waking at Bobby’s months ago. The alcohol dulled it a bit, but having your skin sewn together with dental floss was clearly not an enjoyable activity. Cas did the best he could to maintain a brave face, but there was no hiding the pain behind his pissy comments. 

“Don’t the two of you keep drugs around for this sort of thing? Pain killers?” he bit out between stitches. Dean shuddered at the memory of junkie-Cas before he fully realized for the first time that the future Zachariah had shown him would never come to pass. Before he could say anything, Sam rolled his eyes and said, “We keep that for _serious_ injuries, Cas. Not _five stitches above the eyebrow_ injuries.” The _quit being a pussy_ was implied, and drained the anger from Castiel, replacing it with humiliation. 

“Sorry, Sam. I just – this is the first time I’ve had to get my skin threaded back together. Guess I’d better toughen up some”, he finished with a self-deprecating huff of a laugh.

“No, man, I’m sorry. That was a shitty thing to say. You’re still adjusting to being human, I know this isn’t easy for you.”

They fell silent once again as Dean felt the familiar sting – he should be taking care of Sam and Cas, not just sitting there disinfecting his own little scratches. After washing his face and changing into a non-bloodied shirt, he grabbed the car keys and announced “I’m goin’ out for a drink”, and then the door was closing behind him before either of the two other men could respond. 

“Look, Cas, I really am sorry. I know it’s going to take time for you to get used to-”

“Humanity?” asked Castiel, practically spitting out the word with a twisted grimace of a smile on his face. “I know that. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating when I can’t even heal a simple laceration, or the pain you feel in your side and chest. I should be able to fix all of this with a thought, and now I can’t do a damn thing. Not for myself, not for anyone else.”

Sam was taken aback by the tone of Castiel’s voice and his sorrowful words. “It’s not like that, man. I mean, technically, yeah, it’s _like that_ so far as you not being able to heal wounds, but there’s a lot you can do. That spirit we came across tonight was more dangerous than we originally thought. Having you there made all the difference. Had Dean and I been alone in that fight, I guarantee you both of us would have much more severe injuries. You don’t have to do anything angelic or otherworldly to be an asset to our team. Anyway, I don’t give one single fuck what you can or can’t do. You’re our friend. You’re here, with me – um, you know, with us. Dean and me. And we want you here. For as long as you can stand being around the two of us constantly”, he finished with a self-conscious smile and a little chuckle, hopefully to break the tension. 

“Guess you’re right. Now that I think of it, you still found Bobby’s input to be helpful the past year even though he was wheeling himself around because he couldn’t even walk. So, you know, at least I can walk. That’s something, right?” At this point it was becoming clear that the whiskey Cas had swallowed while being stitched up was starting to catch up with him as his words slurred and his eyes went all hazy and unfocused.

“Yeah, yes, it’s – it’s something. How about if we get you to bed?”

So tired and drunk (from a few sips of an alcoholic beverage, how humiliating), Cas let himself be manhandled onto one of the motel beds. With efficiency and his eyes glued directly to the landscape painting on the wall behind the bed, Sam removed Castiel’s clothing, leaving him in just boxers and socks. Pulling the covers up, he heard Cas whisper something into his pillow.

“What’s that?”

Cas turned his head and said “There are only two beds. Where will Dean sleep when he returns?”

Laughing, Sam replied, “If he gets back before sunup, I’d be surprised. He had his ‘I’m gonna pick up a chick’ shirt on. You can sleep in Dean’s bed.”

There was a moment when Castiel wanted to say something else, but his new limitations stopped him from speaking as he succumbed to a deep sleep.

When Sam heard the door open, sunlight was already streaming through the motel windows. 

“I take it you had a good night?”

Dean stopped, pressing his back onto the closed door to the motel room. “Yeah, uh, definitely good, but not in the way you’re thinking.”

Sam just stared at his brother, wondering what could have kept Dean out until morning if not a one-night stand with a flirty bartender or a woman alone at the bar. Finally, Dean spilled it. 

“I met someone. Stacy. And we went back to her place, both planning to fuck and be done with it, but then we started talking…”

“ _Talking_?” Sam replied with genuine surprise.

“Yeah. About books and music and how she really likes dogs and also has a pain-in-the-ass younger brother. I didn’t fuck her, we didn’t do anything but kiss a little. Got her number, though.” Dean said, looking a little proud.

Castiel was still sound asleep in the other bed, and Sam asked “Why?”

“Well, I figured we’re all a little beat up, maybe we could stay and rest a few days. So in theory, I could actually call her, see her again, whatever.” Dean was doing his level best to keep his expression unreadable, but there was no such thing when it came to Sam. 

“I can’t say I disagree about getting rested up. So, uh, yeah, you’re right, you could call…Stephanie?”

“Stacy”, Dean corrected him. OK, so this really wasn’t a one-night thing, or else Dean wouldn’t have remembered her name, or even asked for it, to be honest. 

“All right, then. I’m awake now; I’ll run out and get us some breakfast. Take my bed.”

Glancing over, Dean asked “Is Cas all right?”

Sam honestly had no idea, so he just told his brother what he knew. “He got kinda tipsy from that booze last night. Might be hung over when he wakes up.”

As it turned out, they did stay in Huntsville for almost a week, and Dean left the motel to see Stacy every night. Once they were all well rested and healed, though, there was no excuse for staying. A nest of ghouls was waiting for them two states to the west, and they had to go. 

While Dean packed his things and threw his bag into the trunk of the Impala, he got a sudden glimpse of the way Sam must have felt as a kid when they stayed someplace long enough for him to connect with people, then having no choice but to hit the road and not look back. He gave himself a minute to feel guilty over it, of course, because that’s just what he did. But he’d said his goodbyes, and even though they were getting back on the road, he was an adult now and if he wanted to look back, he’d damn well do it. 

Six weeks and various hunts passed, the three of them traveling mostly in the southeastern part of the country. Cas yelled “ _Hell yeah!_ ” the first time he knocked down all the cans Sam had set on a fencepost for him as target practice. He was proud of how quickly he’d picked up the skill once he’d started training. He asked Sam to help, because he thought Dean would be too impatient with his initial fumbling, the unfamiliar feel of a gun in his hand making him clumsy at first. Though he still preferred a blade out of habit (another thing he bonded with Sam over – they both preferred a knife to a gun), there were times when a firearm would be necessary, so he figured he’d better get on with learning to use them. Castiel didn’t even feel bad about pride as a sin, as he would have in years past. He was grateful to Sam for taking the time to teach him, and struggling with his new and confusing feelings toward the younger Winchester brother.

So, since things were going along just fine, obviously it all had to go to shit at some point.

On a clear night in the woods of western North Carolina, a black dog almost got the best of them. The thing was bigger, faster and more ferocious than the few Dean and Sam had encountered in the past. Before Dean managed to get a shot off, the creature snapped what felt like every bone in his right arm. It was Castiel’s bullet that brought it down, but the damage was done. 

Armed with fake identities and insurance cards, along with their naturally menacing presence, Dean was immediately taken in for treatment once they got him to the closest hospital. Cas and Sam waited for news and finally were informed that Dean would be taken to the surgical ward to attempt repairing the damage to his arm. Hours later, a harried looking doctor approached them and ushered both men into the hallway outside the waiting room.  
Looking at Sam, she said, “We did our best for your brother. He’s got a couple of metal plates and screws holding his bones together, but there isn’t much we can do to repair the ligament and tendon damage right now. Dean’s going to be all right with some rest and intensive physical therapy. I’m hopeful that he’ll regain at least fifty percent of his arm function within a few months. He’s not going to recover all of his range of motion from before and he might have to start learning to do a lot of things left-handed.”

Instinctively, Sam knew what that meant. There was permanent damage, and not having full use of his right arm and hand meant that Dean’s hunting career had just come to an abrupt end. He must have started to sag under the weight of the realization, because he felt Castiel’s strong grip on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Sam”, he whispered, turning back to the doctor. “When can we see him?”

She raised her eyebrow at Cas. “You’re family, too? We only allow family to visit this soon after surgery.”

Now it was Castiel’s turn to lose his ability to speak. Sam cut in then. “Yeah, he’s family too.”

Hearing those words, Cas got an unfamiliar but warm feeling that he couldn’t identify at the time. A sense of _belonging_ , which he missed terribly since being cut off from Heaven and the sounds of his brothers and sisters. He turned toward Sam hoping to portray his gratitude with just a look. Unable to say anything else, he simply asked the doctor to lead them to Dean’s room. 

Neither of them were prepared for what they saw when they entered the hospital room. Dean was still out cold, probably due to the sedatives from the surgery. His left arm had an IV needle in it, fluids dripping down steadily from the bags hooked to the metal pole by his bed. His entire right arm and hand were covered in bandages over his cast, which started halfway down his hand and reached well above his elbow. It was also being propped up with some kind of…traction machine maybe? He looked years younger and so much smaller than he had just that morning. 

For some reason, Sam’s first instinct was to reach out for Castiel’s hand. The reassurance of touch strengthened him a bit. “Doc said he wouldn’t wake up for at least an hour. You can go and get some coffee or food downstairs if you want.”

“No”, Cas replied immediately. “I’m not leaving you, Sam. We can wait together.”

Sam didn’t notice that Cas was still holding his hand until he was being guided into one of the visitors’ chairs. Cas kept his tight hold on Sam’s hand as he settled into the other chair, moving it closer. After just a little while, they both woke to Dean groggily saying, “Why the hell are you two holding hands? You look like there’s a reaper at the door. Is it that bad? Like, _amputation_ bad?

Standing up quickly, Sam was at Dean’s side in a few seconds. “No, man, nothin’ like that. Let me just get the doctor, okay? She can explain it better than me.” Sam was out the door and into the hallway in a flash.

“Cas?” Dean began, his voice raw and shaky. “What’s the deal? How bad?”

“Pretty fuckin’ bad. Damn it, if I could have got that shot off quicker…”

“Nevermind that, dude”, he said, casting his eyes to his tractioned and casted right arm. “ _How bad_?”

“Come on, just wait for the doctor”, Cas replied, his eyes not meeting Dean’s. “It’s…permanent, okay? Like, not gonna be how it was before.”

Sam returned with the doctor as Dean took in Cas’ words. He looked at her and asked, “Permanent?”

As she started explaining the situation to Dean, Sam shot a nasty look at Cas. Cas just shrugged and looked at the floor. Once the doctor finished up her assessment and answered a couple of questions for Dean, she left the three of them alone and no one said a word for a minute or two. Expecting Dean to scream and rant and curse, his brother and his friend were surprised when he just whispered, “Motherfucker”, tears welling up in his eyes. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

“Not you, Dean. _Us_. It’s not like we’re gonna split up, right?”, Sam responded.

“Well you’re sure as hell not gonna hunt with a fuckin’ cripple as backup, are you?”

“So we take a break”, Cas said. ”Do what the doc says, get you some medical care, you heal up the best you can, and then we’ll see. Monsters aren’t goin’ anywhere.”

“What do you wanna do, head back up north, crash Bobby’s place again? The man’s done enough already, don’t you think?”

“That’s not our only option, Dean.” Sam was clearly getting frustrated. “We’ve got plenty saved up, we can find a place where you can finish your treatment, and like Cas said, we’ll just see what happens.”

“What the hell is supposed to happen, Sam? If I can’t hunt, I have to work. Ain’t no one hiring one-armed mechanics or construction workers.”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself, Dean. We don’t have to map out the rest of our damn lives sitting here in this room. Hey, what about Huntsville? That was an okay town, you still talk to Shelly?”

“ _Stacy_ , and yes. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to see me again like this. How the fuck do I explain this shit?”

Cas broke in then. “Car wreck. Simple. No questions asked. You can tell her more if the two of you get serious’”, he volunteered, obviously unaware of how it had worked out the one other time Dean had gone that route with a girl he cared for. “I know for sure there’s a major hospital there, and it’ll be cheap as hell to rent someplace for us to crash.”

“This isn’t just someplace to crash, man, you heard her. Six months, at least. Shit, I’m not even gonna be able to drive! God _damnit_!” And yeah, there was the cursing and shouting they were expecting. 

“For now, Dean. For now, you can’t drive. People in fucking wheelchairs drive, people who actually _do_ have an amputated arm drive. And work. And live their lives. People adjust. You can adjust.”

“Well, there’s no getting around that, is there?”

“No”, said Cas. “No, there’s not. If whoever the fuck it was would have just left me dead…”

When Dean saw the look on Sam’s face with those words, he knew he had to say something before Sam started getting all girly and emotional.

“Oh, shut your stupid hole, Cas. That thing woulda ripped my throat out if you hadn’t shot it when you did. You’re the one who said you’d rather be human than dead, right? So I’d rather be – whatever the fuck I’m gonna be – than dead. That line of thought is done. Don’t say that shit again. I’m serious.”

Cas had seen Sam’s reaction to his earlier statement and immediately got with the program. 

“Yeah, sorry, I – just yeah, got it.”

It was ten days before Dean was released from Memorial Mission Hospital, which gave Sam enough time to scout out a furnished two-bedroom apartment in Huntsville close to Franklin Medical Tower, the orthopaedic center of the city’s larger medical center. With a thick packet of records and instructions and a referral to an orthopaedic surgeon, the three of them headed out for the five hour drive southwest. 

So, the place wasn’t in the best neighborhood, and ‘furnished’ was a pretty generous description, but Sam had rented it sight unseen. It wasn’t too bad, though. A bed and dresser in each bedroom, small kitchen table with mismatched chairs, one bathroom and a living room with a horrific plaid sofa, an even more horrific orange recliner, and a fifteen inch box television on a rickety stand. There was a cable hookup, though, and it’s not like they had much of their own stuff to move in. They’d have to use one of their last cards to get kitchenware and food, sheets and towels, but they could get by without much. Living in motels had taught them well, and Cas had learned a lot about budgeting from Dean and Sam. 

Cas had learned everything he knew, really, from Dean and Sam. Everything that mattered now, anyway.

First things first, the decision was made that Dean would take the bedroom closest to the bathroom, even though it had a smaller bed. When Sam had just kind of looked at Cas while they were discussing living quarters, Cas rolled his eyes and huffed a sarcastic laugh. “Sam. If you think you’re sleeping on that sofa, you’ve got whatever is the opposite of delusions of grandeur. Your giant ass won’t fit on there. My skinny ass will be just fine.”

That actually got a laugh out of Dean, who’d not surprisingly been quiet and withdrawn throughout the conversation. “He’s right, dude. That there is not a Sasquatch sized couch.”

Sam acquiesced, but insisted that Cas share his dresser and closet, which seemed perfectly reasonable. After making sure Dean would be fine on his own (“Oh, for the love of Christ, just _go_ already”), the two of them set out to the local Goodwill. Cas collected kitchenware while Sam picked up sheets, pillows and pillowcases. They called the 800 number on the back of the credit card to find out the balance, and then hit the Kroger for some basics.

Dean was the only one of them who could cook worth a damn, so they were going to be stuck with Sam’s and Cas’ pathetic attempts. The two of them laughed at themselves and each other the whole way through the store, trying to figure out what kind of meals they could prepare without setting the apartment building on fire. It was amazing, really, the close relationship they’d forged in such a short time. Without even thinking about it, there were bumps of shoulders, a hand on an arm here and there, Sam reaching over to ruffle Cas’ hair. When they both reached for the same jar of peanut butter, though, the hand to hand contact lasted a little longer than necessary, Cas staring straight up at Sam as Sam tried to hide his flushed cheeks. Neither of them knew exactly what this was, but it was _something_. Not a platonic something, either. 

Now wasn’t the time to delve into that particular can of worms, though. There was too much to be done; setting up the apartment, getting Dean in with the doctor he’d been referred to, not to mention Sam and Cas both having to find jobs. They thought about looking for work with alternating shifts, but Dean wasn’t an invalid. He could get around on his own, had already gotten used to doing things one-handed, and made it incredibly clear that he didn’t need to be babysat. As a matter of fact, he’d already called Stacy and told her he was back in town, probably for a good while, and she was visiting almost immediately. Sam and Cas liked her right off the bat; she was quick with a joke and smart as a whip. It was hard to imagine her at her day job, wrangling pre-schoolers three days a week, when she was drinking beer on their sofa, her feet comfortably resting in Dean’s lap while she cursed at whatever sporting event happened to be on television at the time. 

After two weeks in Huntsville, Cas had found work at the local grocery store and Sam got a tech support job with Comcast thanks to a fake reference from Bobby. Dean had seen the doctor and been given a schedule of very light physical therapy. All of which equaled free cable and a discount on groceries. Cas was around to get Dean to most of his medical appointments once he finally relented and handed over the car keys, and when he wasn’t, Stacy was happy to volunteer on her days off. She got Dean out of the house, too, showing him around town and very clearly making his recovery more bearable just by her presence.

It looked like things were really going to be fine, at least for now. They were making enough money that they didn’t have to use fake credit cards or hustle. None of them could be thankful enough that Bobby had made sure all three of them had very high quality identification and health insurance cards before they’d taken off from his place. Cas stocked groceries, Sam answered phone calls, and Dean did his exercises faithfully. Dean’s cast came off and he was able to work harder on his therapy, improving his movement little by little. 

Stacy was becoming a fixture in their lives, enough so that Sam and Cas found themselves alone at home more and more often as time went by. One morning, getting ready for work, Cas walked into Sam’s room to get his clothes and ended up with an eyeful of Sam fresh out of the shower with nothing on but a towel slung low on his waist.

Sam didn’t say anything. 

Cas didn’t say anything.

But there was heat. Tension. Looks between each other that could not be mistaken for anything but what they were: pure lust. 

Cas somehow came up with a smartass comment, grabbed his clothes and left, closing the door behind him. It wasn’t like picturing Sam half (or more) naked was new, and if he wasn’t completely insane, he was pretty sure Sam had the same thoughts about him every now and then. But this wasn’t the time for exploring that aspect of their relationship. Cas had taken a page from Dean’s book and just ignored it so far. He honestly wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to do it, though. If this wasn’t the time, then when was? How the hell was he even supposed to know? It’s not like he’d ever done anything like this before, felt this way for anyone, ever. If someone was going to do something about it, it should be Sam, right? Sam knew all about crushes and wanting people and sex and whatever the hell else. Cas didn’t know shit.

For his part, Sam was slightly shaking and flushed when Cas shut the door. Yeah, they’d never talked about what this _thing_ was between them, but the look on Cas’ face was absolute confirmation that he felt the same as Sam did. They were going to have to deal with it. Eventually. Not that Sam was anywhere near ready for that conversation. He’d never been attracted, like this, to any guy before. Now that it was evident he wasn’t exactly where he thought he was on the Kinsey Scale, it didn’t make it easier that the guy he was attracted to had to be Castiel. Cas, now, he guessed; no one ever used his full name anymore. Either way, Sam was still struggling with his feelings and wasn’t sure he could talk to Cas about them without sounding like a complete moron. They’d talk about it. Just not now. Not yet.

And then they got some unexpected news that threw them both for a loop, mainly because of the whole thing that was something and nothing and what the fuck ever it was between the two of them. 

Dean was healing up nicely, though he was still stuck with doing most things with his left hand and his right arm mostly hung at his side except for when he was exercising or had his hand stuck in Stacy’s. One night as the three men were sitting around their kitchen table choking down what passed as some kind of casserole that Cas had prepared, Dean cleared his throat and said, “So, I was talking to Stacy, and we, uh…well, we were thinking maybe I’d move in there at her place.”

His declaration was met with dead silence. 

“I mean, it’s only twenty minutes away, and since I’m mostly doing home exercise now, I don’t have to go in for therapy much anymore. She knows someone who can hook me up with a job at a car dealership. It’s walking distance from her place, and I have to start working. I spend more nights there than here anyway, and if I go, you can both have your own rooms, and I really do like her, you know, she’s great, and-”

Cas figured Dean was going to keep babbling until someone stopped him, so he interrupted with, “So, living together? You two are already at that point?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s been a few months and it just seems to be the next logical step. Tell me if I’m wrong, but we’re looking like a bunch of guys who are officially retired from the Winchester family business.”

Sam took a deep breath and said, “Yeah, I – yeah. You’re not wrong. I haven’t even thought about going back to it.” Quickly, Cas agreed. “Don’t get the wrong idea, Dean”, Sam continued, “I think she’s great too and I’m happy for you, but it’s gonna be strange not having you around. It’s been a long time since…well, you know, since we weren’t living together.” No one said it had been since Dean was in Hell, it was just implied. 

“I know. But like I said, I’m only a few minutes away, and we’re still gonna see each other. But I want this. I never wanted anything like this before, but now…I guess now I do”, he finished, suddenly very interested in his plate. 

Sam and Cas were both thinking the same exact thing – yeah, Dean would be happy and going on with his life, but this meant the two of them were going to be alone with each other much more than they had been previously. Which was going to get weird. Probably. 

But Cas just smiled and said, “Dean, all we want is for you to be happy. We’ll miss you here, but we’ll still see you. If you ask me, it’s about damn time you do something for yourself. I think one thing we’ve all figured out in the past year is that if you want something, you might as well go for it. Don’t you think so, Sam?”

The question was obviously loaded, but Dean didn’t know that. “Cas is right, Dean. She’s one hell of a girl, and I think you should do it.”

Dean’s smile made Cas and Sam (momentarily) forget any notion they had about how different things would be when Dean was no longer living there. They were both just relieved to see him feeling genuinely hopeful and happy with his life.

When the day came for Dean to throw his duffles (he had two now, neither of them containing any weapon more dangerous than a knife) into Stacy’s car, Dean took Sam aside. Handing him the keys to the Impala, he said, “Start saving up for your own car. I’m gonna be able to drive again eventually, and I’ll want her back. In the meantime, take care of her. And don’t let Cas drive her too much, all right?”

Sam took the keys and embraced his brother, then moved away so Cas could hug him too. 

Cas walked around to the other side of Stacy’s car and said, “I don’t have to give you the speech, right?”

She laughed and told him she already knew it. “He’s safe with me, Cas. And we’ll be around.”

Sam and Cas watched them drive away and walked back into the apartment in silence. 

“You want me to help you get settled in Dean’s old room?”

“Thanks, but I can do it. I wanna make sure he didn’t leave any skin mags laying around. Was thinking of switching out the blinds for shades, anyway. Mind if I take the car?”

Without a word, Sam handed over the keys and watched as Cas walked out the door.

No way they were gonna be able to keep pretending now, he thought. It was just a matter of time.

When Cas got back, he found all his clothes from Sam’s closet and dresser had been neatly arranged in his new bedroom and a note saying that Sam had walked to the library. So, he figured, Sam wasn’t ready to talk about this… _whatever_ yet. Fine with him.

Over the next month or so, they settled into a fairly easy routine. Sam brought the laundry to the Super Kleen, Cas took out the trash and did the dishes. Sam went shopping for groceries since Cas didn’t want to go to the store when he wasn’t working (with a _list_ , an honest to God list that they stuck to the fridge to jot down things they were low on), Cas started learning how to cook because Sam was clearly hopeless in this department. He got home earlier and was always already starting dinner when Sam walked in the door, except on Wednesdays when Sam picked up Chinese on his way home from work and on Fridays when they ordered pizza and had movie night with Dean and Stacy. 

Over a few beers on Chinese takeout night, it occurred to Cas that they were _living together_ , this whole domestic thing going on without either of them having yet had the balls to admit they were attracted to each other. And maybe Cas had one too many, or maybe he just had enough of ignoring it, but he leaned across the sofa and kissed Sam. As he was processing the fact that Sam tasted like lo mein and beer, Sam started kissing him back. 

Suddenly startled, they broke apart, just staring. When the staring got to be too much like the old Cas, Sam broke eye contact and said he was going to bed.

Cas was honestly shocked at the reaction, and didn’t think Sam had fled because he was put off by Cas’ advance. He just didn’t know how to handle it. And now that he was regaining his senses, Cas realized he didn’t know how to handle it, either. But it had happened, and he couldn’t take it back. Didn’t want to, really. Not then. 

But the next morning, he almost wished he could. Sam was quiet and avoided getting close to Cas, and Cas figured maybe he’d fucked things up by moving too fast. Maybe he was supposed to wait for Sam to make a move? Hell, that could have taken forever. Still, he couldn’t help himself. “Sam, seriously, I didn’t mean to upset you last night. Sorry if I overstepped or whatever.”

“No, it’s not – I’m not upset. I just don’t really know what to do with this. I never expected the two of us would, you know…”

Jesus, Cas thought, could he really have been so off the mark about Sam’s feelings? He swore he felt something from Sam, that Sam felt the same way he did. Maybe he was wrong. No matter how much he’d changed becoming human, he still didn’t always understand everything. Christ. He felt like the world’s biggest idiot. Now he was living with a guy he cared about more than anything, a guy who didn’t return his feelings, and there was no going back. 

They spent the next week or two tiptoeing around each other, avoiding eye contact and keeping their conversations superficial. Cas skipped out on Chinese takeout night, saying he’d made plans to play poker with some guys from the store. So Sam sat home alone, and five beers in, he called Dean. 

Dean, of course, was there in half an hour and immediately asked Sam what he’d done when he saw that Cas wasn’t there. 

“Why do you think _I_ did something wrong?”

“Well, somebody did something wrong, and I figure since you’re the one who’s home all by your lonesome, it was you. So spill.”

Taking a deep breath, he blurted out, “Cas kissed me.”

“Well it’s about fuckin’ time. I owe Stacy ten bucks, though, you asshole. I thought you’d do it first.”

“Am I that obvious, Dean?” Sam asked, cracking yet another beer. 

“Dude, you’re both that obvious. This has been coming for months. I’m actually shocked it didn’t happen sooner. But clearly, something went funky, ‘cause you’re getting hammered alone and Cas has made himself scarce. So which one of you freaked out?”

Sam turned his eyes to the ceiling and Dean didn’t need any more answer than that. “What’d you do?”

“Um…fled? Yeah, basically, I went to my room and now we’re walking on eggshells all the time, trying to pretend it didn’t happen.”

“So you’re saying you didn’t want him to kiss you?”

Sam huffed in frustration. “No! I did, actually, it’s just that when he actually did it, I kinda freaked. And now I think his feelings are hurt.”

“Well of course his fuckin’ feelings are hurt, dumbass. He put himself out there and you rejected him.”

“I did not! I mean, like, I didn’t push him off me or tell him to stop.”

“So what did you tell him?”

Truth time. “I told him I didn’t know what to do, and that I didn’t expect we would, you know, be like that.”

“Right, so you think he didn’t take that as a rejection? You saying you didn’t expect the two of you would get together, when he clearly thought you _did_ expect it? Maybe because you look at him like a girl with a crush and the two of you take every chance to have physical contact when you’re in the same room? Come on, Sammy, you’ve got more brains than that.”

Sam deflated at that, setting down his beer and covering his face with his hands. “Man, I really fucked this up, huh?”

“Yep. So now you gotta fix it.”

“But I don’t know how! He avoids me like I’ve got a contagious disease and what if I do or say the wrong thing again, end up screwing things up even worse?”

“Never know til you take the chance, Sam. You’ve got more long-term relationship time under your belt than I do, so I don’t know what you can do to fix it, but hey, nothin’ says love like giving a guy head when he hasn’t even asked for it, am I right?”

And suddenly they were both laughing. Sam felt a little better already. He was going to talk to Cas, just as soon as he got a chance.

Unfortunately, the next night he had to work late and came home to a morose and half-wasted Cas sitting on one of their kitchen chairs. But he screwed up his courage. “Hey Cas, can we talk, please?”

“Have a seat, Sam. Talk all you want”, was the response. Okay, not the greatest, but the answer wasn’t no, so he sat down and asked Cas what he was thinking about. 

“You really wanna know? ‘Cause it ain’t pretty.”

“Yeah, Cas. Whatever it is, I wanna know.”

Cas didn’t look at him when he started. “Before all…this…there was so much I could do. If I was still an angel, I could take you places. Get you things. Coulda fixed your brother’s arm, but then if I was still an angel, it wouldn’t have gotten mangled in the first place. I just feel so fucking useless sometimes, and you make me feel…not useless. I kissed you because I wanted to, because I feel something for you, and you don’t feel the same way, there’s no reason for you to feel guilty about it.”

“Damn, Cas, you couldn’t be more wrong. First of all, human you is pretty fucking fantastic. You made the transition like a champ. You learned so much in so little time, and you’re like this whole different person now, not that there was anything wrong with the person you were before. It’s just that you always seemed so…unapproachable, and now you don’t. You’re smart, and funny, and affectionate, and someone I’m so fucking proud of. Someone I do have feelings for. Someone I wanted to kiss so badly, and then I freaked out and ran away and I don’t even know why. That’s why I feel guilty. Because I hurt you, not because I don’t feel the same way you do. And”, Sam mentally crossed his fingers for luck, “I’m asking you to give me another chance. Please.”

“Yeah”, Cas replied. “Yeah, that’s – okay. Slow, though. Just…let’s try again.”

Relieved, Sam smiled and leaned over to initiate a kiss of his own. It was nothing like the first time. He pressed his lips gently to Cas’ and lifted his hand to touch his cheek. Cas responded the same way, kissing back and leaning into Sam’s touch. After a few moments, Sam tentatively ran his tongue across Cas’ lips and Cas immediately opened his mouth, both of them sinking into the feeling of finally letting go of their reservations about the possibilities. It was surprisingly comfortable, considering Sam had never kissed a man before, and Cas hadn’t ever kissed anyone until the other night. Regardless, it just felt right. 

Until one of their elbows slipped on the table and Cas almost tumbled out of his chair, saved at the last moment by Sam grabbing onto the back of it. For a minute, they stared at each other a little stunned, but then they both were overcome with hysterical laughter. Once they got themselves together, Sam managed to get out, “So, like you said…slow. Right?”

“Slow,” Cas replied, still wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. 

“See, if I was some random person you met at a bar and that happened while you were making out, you’d totally be embarrassed.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we know each other well enough to avoid awkward moments, then,” Cas deadpanned, an obvious reference to what had been happening since that first kiss. 

“Yeah, yeah. Did you make any dinner?”

So that was how things went, for a little while. Domestic tasks carried out, jokes traded back and forth, arguing over movies, occasionally kissing but always, always, going to sleep in their own beds. They’d gotten to the point where they were comfortable enough to hold hands or share a blanket when Dean and Stacy were visiting, and Dean had a fucking field day with his brother. Cas, for some reason, was spared the jokes about being a teenage girl, a tease, a blushing virgin (maybe because Cas really was a virgin), but Sam was incessantly teased about the glacial pace of his relationship with Cas. 

“Dude, you _live together_! You’re telling me it’s been a month and you’re still afraid to steal second base? Or…whatever it is, with a guy…”

“Fuck you, Dean, it wouldn’t be… _stealing_ …” Sam shot back, but with no heat behind it. “It’s just – like you said, we freaking **live together**. What if I fuck it up? Then I’ll have to move out, or he’ll move out, and we won’t even be friends anymore because everything will be so weird, and I’ll end up getting four cats and watching Star Trek reruns with them every night, and-”

“Woah, woah, Sam, come on. Seriously. Are you even listening to yourself? It’s like you’re already convinced it’s not going to work without even giving it a try. Things are okay now, right?”

“Well yeah, but…” Sam couldn’t even finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to. 

“Look man, this is my first time around the block with the serious relationship thing, and hell, moving in…I was terrified. No freaking clue how this shit is supposed to work. I know you did it once before and it tore you to pieces but you gotta be willing to try again. If not now, when? Never? Man, you want the cats and the Star Trek, I ain’t gonna stop you. But this thing with you and Cas, it’s good. It’s really good, for both of you, and I don’t want to see either of you let it get away because you’re too scared to just try.” The look on Dean’s face was so sincere, and Sam knew what he was saying was true. Dean was genuinely concerned about him, didn’t want him to lose out on something great because he wasn’t willing to take a risk. 

“Should we hug now?” Sam asked, smiling.

“Hell no, bitch. Go hug somebody else.”

After their company left and the two of them were alone again, Sam and Cas stayed huddled under their blanket on the living room sofa. Cas had initiated the kissing this time, and it was pretty clear from the beginning that _this time_ was something different. Within ten minutes, Cas was moaning into Sam’s mouth after Sam got a hand underneath his t-shirt and started lightly stroking his nipples. When Sam reached to pull Cas’ shirt off completely, Cas pulled back from the kiss looking nervous. 

“What’s wrong? Too much?”

“No, it’s not – I want it, I really do, but I haven’t done this before and honestly I’m afraid I’m either going to do something wrong or come in my pants if you touch me for two more minutes.”

Sam gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “How about this? We can get up and go get in bed. Take off or leave on as much clothing as you want. If you come in your pants in two minutes I’ll feel like the sex champion of the world, and then we can just have round two. Anytime you wanna stop, just say so. We’ve got plenty of time, Cas, no need to rush this.”

“Well, except that I’m incredibly turned on and I want to see you naked right now. That kind of feels like a rush”, Cas replied, laughing softly but looking Sam right in the eyes.

“All right, then. Come on. Your room? My room?”

“Don’t care” Cas said, leaning forward to kiss Sam again, “as long as it’s the room where we’ll be naked.”

Sam’s room was closer, so that’s where they ended up, both of them taking all of their clothes off before they got in bed. Sam gestured to the lamp on the nightstand. “You want the lights out?”

“Hell no. Wanna see you.”

“Awesome. Me too.”

The thought of getting under the covers didn’t occur to either of them. Sam was stunned at the sight of what Cas had been hiding all these years, first under an ill-fitting suit and a long coat, more recently under baggy jeans and hoodies. He didn’t have six-pack abs or lats shaped by pull-ups like the ones that were obvious on Sam even through three layers of shirts. His stomach was flat, all his skin covered up toned and lithe muscles, and he didn’t seem all that self-conscious about Sam touching him anywhere he could reach. Gently running his thumb over one of Cas’ nipples, Sam breathed, “You’re incredible, Cas. Gorgeous.”

Cas shuddered under the touch but still rolled his eyes. “I’m ordinary, Sam”, he replied, leaning in for a kiss. Sam stopped him just an inch short of their lips touching.

“You are _anything_ but ordinary.” he said, closing the distance and kissing Cas until they were both dizzy. 

It was Cas’ turn to explore now, though he wasn’t anywhere near surprised seeing Sam without clothes on. They’d known each other for years, and he’d seen Sam walking around shirtless while digging through his duffel looking for something clean to put on more times than he could count. Amazing, really, that he’d never appreciated the view until he was seeing it all through human eyes. They lay side by side, facing each other, kissing and groping, but still with a bit of space between them.

“Remember, there’s no rush here, Cas. We do what you want, just exactly like you want, got it?”

“Got it. So, if what I want is to get my hand around your cock…”

“Yeah, uh, of course you-” and then Sam’s words were swallowed by a moan as he felt Cas grab him. Damn, it had been a long time since anyone’s hands but his own were down there. Clearly, Cas was well acquainted with tugging on a dick, and it didn’t take more than a minute before he adjusted to the different angle. 

“This okay?”

“God yeah, just – give me your hand, hold it up for me.” 

Cas seemed a little curious about the request until Sam grabbed his wrist and held Cas’ hand right in front of his mouth. He smiled as Sam licked his palm, getting it all slick and wet. Cas got right back to what he was doing, though. “That better, Sam?” he whispered.

Sam could only nod in answer before he started nipping and kissing at Cas’ neck, his jawline, his collarbone. There was nothing in the world better than Cas’ answering sighs and moans. “What about me? Can I – can I touch you?”

“Please, yes”, and that was all Cas had to say before Sam licked his own palm and started jerking Cas slowly, not too much pressure. He was rewarded by a deep groan when he thumbed Cas’ slit and a shiny bead of precome appeared. Sam thought Cas might lose it right there when he licked that little bit of moisture from his thumb and went back for more. 

“Sam…Sam, I – shit, I’m sorry, I can’t-” Sam had barely processed the words before he felt his hand coated with Cas’ spunk and smiled in spite of himself. 

“So now I’m the world champion of sex and we didn’t even have sex yet. Score one for me, man.”

“This should be embarrassing. Right? I mean, isn’t this the kind of thing that’s embarrassing?”

Sam laughed. “Maybe for some people. I can tell you this – the first time anyone ever touched my cock, I came in my pants before she even moved her hand.”

“Are you making that up to make me feel better?”

“Hell no, eighth grade, Laurie Keeler, right under the table in biology lab. Thank God we weren’t dissecting anything that day or I might have ended up with a worm or frog fetish.”

And that was more like it…now they were both laughing. Sam reached over and picked up a t-shirt from the floor to dry his hand, then promptly threw it back down and started kissing Cas again, this time very softly, just chaste little butterfly kisses. Cas’ eyelids were drooping, but he was fighting it. “Don’t wanna sleep…you…”

“Shhhh, don’t worry Cas. All the time in the world, remember? Just – stay here with me, sleep here, okay?”

Cas’ eyes closed and he whispered “’kay” as he drifted off to sleep. Sam slipped out of his embrace to finish himself off in the bathroom, then got back in bed, managed to get them both under the sheets and comforter, and pulled Cas’ back close to his chest, kissing his shoulder before sleep found him as well.

The morning that followed convinced Cas and Sam both that they’d gone about this whole thing the right way. There was no awkwardness, no tension. The sun streamed in through the curtains and Cas pulled Sam’s arm tighter against his chest. He knew the night before hadn’t been some crazy romantic spectacular fireworks sex, but they were easing into it. Cas didn’t think he was looking for fireworks, anyway. What he wanted was comfort, safety, maybe love eventually. He felt Sam’s lips on his shoulder and knew he’d woken up too. 

“Morning, Cas”, Sam whispered into his ear. It felt so nice waking up next to him like this, and regret started its usual drumbeat in his head, but Sam refused to waste a second thinking about how he could have made this happen much sooner. They were there now, in bed together and happy – at least he assumed they were both happy by the way Cas had pulled him closer. 

Cas turned himself over and Sam moved to lay on his back so Cas could rest his head on Sam’s chest. “This is nice, Sam. I like waking up next to you. Liked going to sleep next to you, too. Not sure about the rest of it, though.”

Sam’s stomach sank at those words. It seemed impossible that they’d gone too fast, or too far…he searched for anything that he might have done or said wrong the previous night until he felt Cas chuckling. “Just think we need to do some more of that before I’m really sure how much I like it.”

Rolling his eyes, Sam pinched Cas, hard. 

“Ow! Fuck!” he cursed, still laughing a little. “It’s ok, I totally deserved that.”

“Yeah, you deserve a whole lot of stuff, Cas” Sam responded, the expression on his face clearly communicating his feelings. He forgot all about that little bluff when Cas propped himself up on one elbow then leaned in to kiss him. It wasn’t really all that different than before last night, but in a way, it was. Sam could feel Cas was more confident, more comfortable, and definitely bolder. 

Sam pulled Cas on top of him, easing the angle for the kiss, and finding that Cas was just as hard as he was. No way to know if Cas woke up like that on his own; God knows Sam usually had morning wood that went away all by itself in a matter of minutes. But now…well, he knew his own erection was a result of their bodies and mouths moving against each other so maybe Cas’ was too. He broke the kiss for a minute, pulling back and asking, “You wanna get up?”

“Uh-uh”, Cas replied, trying to move in for another kiss.

“Don’t want to go downstairs and get some breakfast?”

“Nope.”

“You sure?” Sam asked, though he already knew the answer. 

“Shut up and kiss me some more, will you?”

It was slow and sweet for just a few minutes, and then Cas started kissing harder, holding Sam’s face in his hands and grinding down against him. He’d wanted to have sex with Sam the night before, but wasn’t entirely disappointed when it didn’t happen. He figured he should have expected Sam would want to take his time, make sure they were going at Cas’ pace, not moving too fast. Now, Cas thought there was no such thing as too fast and absolutely no way he could get Sam to fuck him soon enough. “Sam. Sam, please, I want – want you inside me, come on…”

Sam sat up a little, his turn now to take Cas’ face into his hands. “We don’t have to do all that yet, I told you-”

“You told me we could do what I wanted and I want you to fuck me, Sam. Don’t waste your breath on a bunch of _are you sure_ s and _we can wait_ s, because I am sure and I can’t wait.” Cas wanted to be certain that Sam understood him, knew that Cas really meant what he said, and it looked like he had accomplished that. 

“Okay, Cas. All right.” When Sam turned to the nightstand to grab lube and a condom out of the drawer, Cas gave him a pointed look. 

“You always this prepared?”

Sam couldn’t stop the slight flush of his cheeks when he answered, “Just hopeful, really.”

Without much force, Sam was able to flip them over so that Cas had his back to the mattress and Sam was looking down at him. He leaned in for another kiss before grabbing the bottle of lube and kissing down Cas’ chest, his belly, then placing one very quick and chaste kiss to the head of his dick. He smiled to himself as he felt Cas shudder beneath him. The mechanics were pretty obvious, but even though he’d never had sex with another guy before, he was fairly certain he’d never had sex with a _virgin_ before, either. He wanted to make sure he was careful, no matter how confident Cas sounded about being ready. Taking a deep breath and giving himself a pep talk, he moved forward to take Cas’ cock into his mouth. He’d at least been on the receiving end of enough blow jobs to know what felt good, so as he slicked up his fingers with lube he did his best to translate that knowledge to being on the giving end, covering his teeth with his lips and licking around Cas’ dick, thinking he was probably doing all right by the sound of Cas cursing and groaning from the top of the bed. Gently, he started moving his index finger against Cas’ entrance, not pushing in, just getting him used to the feeling of being touched there. 

“Sam, please, come on, please, just…”

Oh. Well, all right, Cas was okay, so Sam very slowly pushed his finger past that tight rim of muscle, feeling it clench and then relax against him as he moved farther inside. It was new for him too, and so fucking good, nothing like any woman he’d been with before. Cas’ muscles were so tight around his finger, but welcoming at the same time, so smooth inside. Trying to concentrate on keeping Cas relaxed, he put a little more effort into the blowjob, sliding further down his cock, hollowing his cheeks and sucking just a bit, taking more of him inside as Cas was taking more of Sam inside. 

Cas thought there was a strong possibility of passing out, or maybe having a stroke. He knew he it wasn’t usual for a grown man to feel this way from just a little fooling around, but it was the only fooling around he’d ever done, so he figured he’d give himself a break. Sam’s mouth was doing some kind of crazy magic trick on his cock and Cas’ brain kind of shorted out when he thought about Sam’s fingers. Cas hadn’t ever touched himself like that before, hadn’t really thought about it in too much detail. He knew he wanted Sam, wanted to have sex with him, but since he hadn’t ever done it before, it was difficult to imagine what it would really feel like. Which, by the way, was the best fucking thing he’d ever felt as a human. At first it was strange, there was pressure and a little pain but the way Sam was sucking his dick made him so relaxed that his fingers just added to the intensity of the experience. And damn, he must have been _really_ relaxed, because Sam added another finger and he didn’t tense up at all. He was sure half the shit he was babbling didn’t make any sense, but for some reason he couldn’t make himself just shut the hell up. Before he knew it, he was instinctively pushing back against Sam’s fingers and he felt Sam moan around his dick, then saw him reach for the lube again.

Even the enthusiastic blow job couldn’t stop Cas from wincing when Sam stuck a third finger in his ass, even though he’d done it gently and slowly. That was definitely pain he felt, but pleasure at the same time. It was confusing and intense but when Sam looked up at him, Cas just nodded and said, “Don’t stop, I’m okay, I want you.” Sam was encouraged, so he just kept up his concentration on giving Cas really good head (and how the fuck did girls do this all the time, his jaw was already pretty damn sore) as he opened him up with his fingers. He’d tried to be really, really patient but he wanted to get inside Cas, so he slid his fingers out, sat up a little and asked the question.

“You ready, Cas? We don’t have to, remember, we’re moving at your pace.”

“Yeah, I know, and I really want you to fuck me, Sam. And before you ask, _yes, I am sure_.”

“All right. Okay.” Sam took a deep breath and grabbed the condom from the nightstand, rolling it on and leaning down to kiss Cas again. “Do you want to turn over? It’s supposed to feel better like that, at least the first time.”

“No, I want to stay just like this. Want to see you. I’ll be fine.”

Sam nodded and pushed Cas’ knees back a little more, then positioned himself. When he gave another hesitant look, Cas said, “I’m starting to think you’re the virgin here, Sam”, with a little smirk. 

“Smartass”, Sam replied, rolling his eyes but then turning his attention back to where it belonged. He put one hand on Cas’ hip and used the other to line up his cock. Cas’ entrance was a little swollen and still very wet with lube, and Sam pushed inside, slowly moving the head of his dick into Cas’ hole. 

They both gasped at the sensation. In a way, Sam actually was a virgin in this situation, since he’d never been with a guy before, and he’d never done _this_ with a girl. He couldn’t believe how tight it was, how good it felt, and he kept pushing ahead, just a little at a time. Cas was trembling, his fingers gripped tight in the sheets underneath them. Sam could hear him blowing out deep breaths, could feel the muscles inside him starting to get even more relaxed to accommodate more than just fingers. Once Sam was all the way inside, he held completely still, looking down at Cas to try and gauge his comfort level. What he saw was a flush across Cas’ cheeks, his eyes closed, mouth open just a little with his bottom lip quivering, and a few beads of sweat forming across his brow. 

“You good?”

Cas took another deep breath before he answered. He wasn’t really sure what to say because this _hurt_ , no question, but at the same time the feeling of fullness and intimacy made it feel so damn good. No matter what he had thought before, Cas wasn’t the least bit prepared for exactly how desperately he wanted this, how right it felt to be filled up like that with Sam’s cock. 

“Yeah”, Cas whispered, then cleared his throat and found his voice again. “Yeah, good, I’m good, please…just fuck me”, he finished, bending his knees even more and planting his feet firmly on the mattress. It seemed that Sam was just as ready as he was, because without another word, Cas felt Sam start to move. They were slow, shallow thrusts, clearly intended to keep from hurting him, and it felt fantastic, but Cas found himself wanting more. He started moving his hips up to meet each of Sam’s thrusts and let go of the sheets in favor of grabbing onto Sam’s waist. 

When Cas moved up just a little higher, Sam’s cock hit his prostate and Cas thought he was going to faint. His whole body jerked involuntarily and he almost choked on his own breath before he managed to form a few words between his panting and groaning. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, Sam, so good, so…ahhhh…damn good…oh oh _oh_ more, please Sam…ugh…more”

No longer worried that he was being too rough or moving too quickly for Cas’ first time, Sam let go a little, pulling out almost all the way before thrusting back in, each stroke moving Cas backward on the bed an inch or so. All those beautiful sounds Cas was making went straight to his dick and Sam could feel that slow burn in his belly, his balls tightening and moving closer to his body. Sam may be new at this, but he still had his own set of rules in place – he never came until after his partner did. It was one of the things that stood out from his teen years, Dean bragging about his exploits with women, _gotta make sure she comes first, Sammy, no exceptions_. Cas wasn’t a ‘she’ and Sam didn’t appreciate having his brother’s voice invade his brain while he was having sex, but still, Sam figured the same rule applied here. Since he could feel himself getting close, he braced his weight onto one arm and reached between them to jerk Cas’ dick, an easy slide of his fist aided by Cas’ steadily leaking precome. “So good inside you Cas, damn it, love the way you feel, come on, let go now, come for me, let me feel it.”

Cas had been so close to the edge for a little while, but those words tipped him right over and he felt his orgasm rushing through his whole body before he spilled all over his belly and Sam’s hand. The aftershocks were strong enough to keep him breathing hard and moaning while Sam kept thrusting, maybe half a dozen more times before Cas felt Sam’s thighs tense up and heard him make this low grunting sound that almost sounded like a growl. Cas managed to open his eyes just in time to see Sam’s face when he came, his eyelids fluttering and his teeth snapped together tightly. The idea hadn’t occurred to him before, so Cas was a little surprised when he could actually feel Sam come inside him despite the thin layer of latex between them.

Both men were exhausted, breathing heavy, and still a bit in awe of having finally gotten to this point. Sam wanted to flop down onto the bed, but he certainly didn’t want to let all the weight of his much larger body fall onto Cas, so he moved back a little and they both winced as Sam slipped out of Cas and fell down next to him on the mattress, tying off the condom and dumping it into the wastebasket. Looking over, he saw that Cas’ eyes were still wide open, and staring directly at the ceiling. 

“Cas. You all right over there?” When no answer was forthcoming, Sam got worried. “Cas. Come on, answer me, please, did I hurt you? Shit, I didn’t want-”

The response came in the form everyone now expected from Cas . “Enough with the guilt, Sam. Maybe you weren’t paying attention, but I thought it was pretty obvious that I enjoyed what we were doing. Me coming all over your hand should have been a hint.”

All Sam could do was laugh, pull Cas closer to him and kiss his neck gently. “Well, thank…whoever it is we have to thank for that. Because this…we’re gonna be doing this a whole lot.”

“Hell yes, we are. But I need a shower. And I’m hungry. Do you think you can pull off something simple like pancakes without setting the kitchen on fire? It’s a mix from a box, you only have to add water.”

Rolling his eyes and pulling on a pair of sweats, Sam replied “Yes, smartass, I can make us some fucking pancakes.”

Cas cut his shower short when he heard the smoke detectors downstairs start screaming. Tugging on the jeans he’d tossed to the floor the previous night, he practically ran to the kitchen to make sure there was not an actual fire.

Once the windows had been opened to air out the house, the burned mess of what once had the potential to be breakfast thrown into the trashcan outside and Cas managed to stop laughing his ass off at Sam’s sulking, both of them ended up back in the kitchen. 

“There’s got to be something in here we can eat”, Cas said, rummaging through the fridge and pantry. 

Sam was still pouting, but also feeling a little bit guilty and a lot embarrassed. “Look, I’m sorry about the pancakes. I swear I will never again get pissy when you tell me I can’t cook.”

Cas turned his head so he could see Sam where he was leaning against the counter. “Does that include when I make jokes about your lack of culinary skills and tell everyone we know really humiliating stories about shit you fucked up in the kitchen?”

“No, it does **not**. I reserve the right to glare at you in a completely intimidating manner if you repeat any of my cooking failures to anyone except me.”

“Awww, that’s a shame”, replied Cas, taking three steps to cross the room and press himself against Sam. “Maybe there’s some way for me to get you to change your mind”, he whispered, pushing himself up on his toes so his mouth was closer to Sam’s ear. 

And that was just it, Sam was done pretending now, there was no need for it anymore. He grabbed Cas around the waist and turned them around, lifted him up onto the counter next to the sink. Cas’ eyes were wide with surprise but Sam just leaned in and kissed him, hard, tightening his hold on Cas’ hips as he moved his body close enough that they were grinding against each other. Cas was completely on board, grabbing Sam’s hair and kissing him back with just as much passion. Apparently, neither of them was paying attention to anything but each other’s gasps and moans because all of a sudden, the only sounds they heard were Stacy’s satisfied giggles and Dean’s voice yelling something about bleach and his eyes. 

Cas shot a dark look into the hallway. “You assholes don’t call?”

Stacy was stammering then, trying to hold back her laughter as she explained, “No, Cas, no, just – we were going to breakfast, and the place is right near here, so we thought – you know, maybe we would…drop in…” She lost the battle at that point and turned around, burying her face in Dean’s shoulder as she continued chuckling at the scene they’d walked in on. 

“Hey, you’re the one who told me to quit screwing around and go for it, dude”, Sam said to Dean, who still had the nerve to look scandalized. 

“Dean! Did you really tell him that?”

“Yes, Cas, I did, but at the time I figured I wouldn’t be walking in on it.”

“Oh. Well, thanks anyway. It was very good advice. And seeing as how Sam turned our breakfast into life-threatening toxic waste, we’d love to join you two. Wouldn’t we, Sam?”

“Yeah, sure. Just, uh – we’ll get dressed and…”

“God, let me turn around so I don’t have to see you two pitching tents, at least!”

Cas slipped down off the counter and shot his most innocent smile at Stacy, turning around before he said “Yes, please keep Dean’s sensitive eyes protected from the bad men.” He heard Dean cursing at them all the way upstairs. 

Once they all moved past the awkward moment, though, it was really a nice day. The four of them in a familiar setting, a simple diner serving traditional breakfast foods on a lazy weekend morning, all chatting about what they’d been up to lately. Stacy was starting school in the fall to complete her bachelor’s in education, she’d already gotten an associate’s degree before she started teaching at the preschool. No one mentioned anything about Dean using both his hands to cut up his food, but Sam felt a swell of pride at how hard his brother had worked to overcome his injury. Dean cleared his throat and looked across the table at Cas and Sam. “Yeah, uh…I was thinking, I’m gonna take some classes too. Not sure what yet, but the community college said my GED was good enough for admission, so I figured why not?” His eyes betrayed his nervousness, but Sam didn’t comment on that, just told him he thought it was fantastic news. 

Looking at Dean with barely disguised affection, Cas said, “That’s great, Dean. You never gave yourself credit for how smart you are, you’re gonna do great.”

That was about the time Dean had enough of the attention of his breakfast mates, and the conversation moved on. They said their goodbyes and Sam walked back into their house with Cas close behind him. Both of them immediately moved into the living room, Sam’s back against the arm of the sofa and Cas’ back against Sam’s chest. It was so ridiculous, how long it had taken them to finally do what they really wanted, Sam thought as he wrapped his arms around Cas and leaned down to kiss his shoulder. They could have been doing this months ago. 

“Sam, I’m really happy. I mean – not just satisfied and glad I’m not dead or whatever. I’m truly happy with the lives we’ve made here. With this, with us. It just feels right.”

“Yeah, I know. There was a time I couldn’t even imagine this kind of life, but you know, there’s nothing coming for us anymore. We don’t have to be afraid of what’s lurking around any corner. None of us has seen even the slightest hint of anything supernatural since we got here. It’s a little unbelievable, but I’m so damn grateful for it”, Sam responded, leaning down to kiss the top of Cas’ head.

Cas had his own ideas about why they happened to be off the radar of the usual big bads, but he kept that to himself. “Well, we did our time with all that, you and Dean for a lot longer than me. We’ve given enough, all of us. We deserve to live our own lives now, to be safe from anything scarier than you setting the kitchen on fire”, he finished, turning his head enough to see Sam’s expected eye-roll. “I’m grateful for it, too.”


End file.
